People who tatooed my life 12: Kim

My time with IBM ended badly but , but I had some amazing adventures, many that I could not even have drawn a picture of back as a nipper growing up in Smethwick.

One such adventure was my first trip to South Africa back in '01.

The chap who had asked me to visit a client in Jo'burg, Jake, was a notorious bon-viveur. He had a girlfriend who danced at the "Ranch" girlie bar, outside Jo'burg and because he was driving me around in Za I would visit her with him out of hours after our work, but before the club opened.

It was very interesting for me to see a lapdancing club during the day: in daylight the major security precautions could be more easily seen, and there was an air of tattiness and decay on the decor.  Once inside Jake met with his girlfriend and left the dance hall for a while. I was left in the main room with the girls who had arrived early to stretch and warm up or whatever for their shift in a couple of hours time.

A few of the girls came over to say hello - Jake was very well known here ! One girl, Kim, came over to me and just started a conversation. She was a statuesque and impossibly beautiful coffee-skinned girl, made more lovely by the modest baggy gym clothing she was wearing instead of her dancers uniform. All the girls were pleasant, pretty and vulnerable away from the make-up,lights and pumping music.

So Kim stated : I'm a friend of Jakes? Sort of. Would I be coming by later ?  Not sure - if local team wants to then yes. Do I come to dance clubs often ?  Oddly enough I had to admit - I had been to quite a few. Lots of colleagues, and clients liked to spend their downtime having a beer, and ending up a a "gentlens club".  So when i was travelling Id'take the local team out for a beer, and I'd step in with anything they wanted to do. This was just hanging out , nothing "Corporate". if they wanted to end the evening at a lap-dancing bar, we'd tag along.

Kim explained: " we get a lot of sad suits in here. You don't strike me as a sad suit. You married ?".

I showed her pics of my family. She was entranced;asking about school; my kids' loves and pets. friends, adventures. What about her family ?  All back home in another unnamed country. She only had her boyfriend / manager here in Za.  She didn't mind dancing but didn't really like the extras that made her boyfriend / manager the real money.

I said that it must be horrible doing a job you don't like, what else would she like to do ? "I wanted to teach" she said.  " I started doing this to pay for my degree...but it sort of took over years ago".

I said I thought she'd make a lovely teacher and she got a bit upset.  "My Boyfriend doesn't want me to be a teacher yet" she explained.

We talked about stuff for another fifteen minutes or so until Jake emerged from another room with his girlfriend.  I stood up to go and offered Kim my hand.  She declined it and gave me a hug instead saying: "You can have a free one after work tonight if you like".  I told her I was flattered but that I am sure my wife wouldn't be very appreciative of it !

I took Kims hand and said: " I hope you get to be a teacher one day. It was lovely to meet you Kim".

Off she went.  I never returned to the Ranch, as the client chose a meal at the word's best steak restaurant instead of a dancing evening.

I often thought about the girls and Kim expecially after I returned home.  I had built a picture for myself of the "kind of girl" who would work as a lap dancer, or even a call-girl but none of the girls I met at the Ranch were anything LIKE that stereotype.  Smart, vulnerable, sexy, yet even homely when freed of make-up and lights. Just father's daughters like my own who found themselves on a path in life they did not expect in many cases.

I bumped into Jake three months later in the coffee bar at our Heathrow location. Hands shaken, backs slapped. Thanks for my help.

Jake wasn't with his dancer girlfriend any more. By the way, did I know Kim took her own life soon after we met? I was shocked and horrified.

What a waste. All those kids who never got to receive Kim's enthusiasm and care through teaching...Rest in peace beautiful one. I will never forget you.

People who tattooed my life #11 David Jackson, and the Jackson family.

Try though I might I can't actually remember how Dave and I met. I *think* we were thee only two white kids in our infants school class at infants school when we started, but all I know is from as far back as I can remember Dave and I were fast friends. 

David Jackson and his family ( Brother Kevin, Sister Lynn) lived MILES away in Wansbeck court ( about 500 yards now but its a trek to a six year old !) and his mom Rita used to stop off at our house on the way to school to collect my mom and I. Our moms were fast friends considering the generation gap and canted away all the walk along Oldbury road. Mom was almost fifty by then, as I was a LATE surprise baby ! Rita Jackson was slim, 15-20 years younger and angularly beautiful, and always wore fashionable clothes. When I was little she always crouched down to my level to talk to me. I never forgot that. Its something I've always done with kids too because of her example, and how good it made me feel...

Anyway during those walks to school, Dave and I would chase ahead in the race to the underpass where our moms would leave us to cross in safety. All along the walk Dave and I would run and skip and talk rubbish until we were crying with laughter. Every day. We'd pick up some other kids on the way: Alan Brace, David Horrocks... man...Andrew Cooper... 

An example of the nonsense we'd talk I still recall: in about year four when we would have been around 9 or ten, Dave and I were trying to decipher some of the strange graffiti on the underpass wall. Dave asked me " Dave... whats a fook ?" Clueless ( I never heard an adult cuss like that until I was sixteen and that was not in my house!) I answered " I think its foreign" .... Innocent times.

We were an odd couple: a bit like Laurel and Hardy: David was a slender lad whose school uniform hung about him like Just William, and his pockets were full of SUCH stuff: acorns, a catapult, some blu-tack, miniature darts...you name it. I was a foot taller and a yard wider ! It didn't matter. Humans only learn to care about our differences when we get much older.... 

Every day at school lunchtime we'd re-enact a castle invasion using invisible swords. It seemed everybody in the school would join in !

When I discovered music, and we started at Holly Lodge secondary school together Dave and I diverted paths a little: I started to hang with music fans, and Dave being a lover of Abba rather more than Led Zeppelin, flocked with birds of his own kind. We still walked to school together each day and still laughed though. 

There came a time when one of the streets we walked along to school was being demolished. Dave always had a FASCINATION with finding useful things amongst tat and we spent at least an hour per day crawling over the demolition site. We found old money, some tools... some wartime documents and one day.... a vibrator.

Dave picked it up and waved at at me laughing : this shiny blonde plastic member ! Unfortunately just as were were hitting each other with it and giggling Harold Collins ( Mash!) and his mates were passing and saw us ! We endured a hail of stones and abuse, but we couldn't stop laughing !

Dave hurled the dildo away and it arced like a swallow before bouncing right off the head of Phillip Foster, one of our persecutors ! I am weeping with laughter as I replay that movie in my head ! 

Christmases were always lovely at the Jacksons' especially when Dave and I were old enough to sample a drop of alcohol ! Jon and Rita would lead the laughter, John's booming chortle making everybody else laugh too. We weren't laughing next day after our first alcoholic party at Dave's though aged about 14: a bottle of rum and black made us very ill indeed !

Later we would accompany John into the Spon Croft for a pint. In those days it was still thronging with Chances glassworkers slaking their thirst after a shift. I felt so grown up !

By then Dave and I were seeing less of each other: we were seventeen or so. I'd just got a car and Dave had an apprenticeship at a local auctioneers. Oh and little Lynn Jackson overnight had become absolutely gorgeous by the way ! But alas she had a boyfriend :( 

I'd always stop and chat with Jon and Rita and Dave or Kevin as we bumped into one another but work and stuff made it less frequent. By the time I married and moved out aged 22, we rarely saw each other. Never fell out though we were just living our lives.

Years later I was drinking in the Barleycorn in Bearwood with my mate Andy and who should be in there but John and Dave Jackson with Kevin, and also John Mortimer ! So lovely to catch up : Dave and Kevin were successful antiques dealers and still as funny as anything ! We promised to meet up etc etc....and of course we never did.

When I joined Facebook a few years later the first thing I did was try to seek out the Jacksons but had no success. When Lynne found me much later and I heard the desperate tragedies that had struck down dear John and Rita and also my mucker Dave I wept. Properly wept. Nobody deserves to suffer and die young, but they in no way merited the devastation that visited them. John and Rita suffered terribly from brutal cancers and died close after one another. Dear David died at forty leaving a wife and kids. What a shocking waste of everything they all were and the potential they still had unfulfilled. 

While I still sting in the heart when I think of their loss I am also grateful for the part they played in my young life and for the way we laughed. 

And of course it is wonderful to be in touch once again with Lynn - still as lovely as when I took her to the Walsall arboretum lights one year in a failed attempt to woo her ! 

Thank God for the Jacksons and may He bless and keep then until we meet again. And Rita I still always bend down to speak to children.

People who tattooed my life #10: Jim Bodley

My uncle Jim was born as the armistice bells were ringing out at the end of World War 1.  He started as an apprentice glassmaker at Chance Bros in Smethwick in 1932 following in the footsteps of his dad and grandad.  His granddad made lighthouse lenses, there's an example of his work in the Thinktank museum on Birmingham.

He was conscripted into the Army once war broke out aged 22. His mechanical ability found him placed in the REME - Royal Engineers - in the British Expeditionary Force.  Jim was evacuated from Dunkirk which terrified him.  He told me once " I was the bravest man in the whole war, because I was shitting myself every second I was there but I got on with it".

Jim was redeployed back to Europe in 1941 to fight. He never spoke much about his experiences in the war. They hurt him too profoundly, but he did tell me of two life-affecting experiences.

In 1945 the Royal Engineers were seconded to assist a Canadian outfit that was to liberate the Buchenwald concentration camp. Ostensibly there to keep the vehicles going , Jim ended up digging graves and burying victims. Bearing in mind this was a gentle glassmaking apprentice who knew his way around a machine not some heard-skinned warrior , we will never know just how manifestly this affected Jim.

The second incident seems tiny, but Jim had tears in his eyes when he related it.  When Jim's unit was engaged in mopping up just before VE day, he was tasked with obtaining drinking water from a German civilian home. He knocked the door of an old woman who scowled then wandered indoors to fill containers.

She bought them out. Jim thanked her, and she looked him in the eyes and spat in his face before slamming the door.

I don't know why that was particularly affecting to Jim but it was.

Upon returning home, Jim was a changed man. His confidence was shot.  "Bad nerves" is what medics called it back in the forties and fifties. Jim went back to Chance Bros to work, but no way could he live on his own, or make a success of a relationship.  He moved in with my Mom ( his sister) and dad.  Looking back, this might have been hard for Dad, but there was never obvious tension in our home. Jim was just , well JIM.  He had his own bedroom, and a chair in front of the TV in the kitchen diner and pretty much kept out of everyone's way.

He had a very brusque manner, and absolutely no tact. He knew this so tended to sneak up to his room if we had visitors.  He used to stay and chat to his brothers if they came for a cup of tea to or from work,and I recall with a smile the great guffawing laughs the used to raise together.  When his Sister  in law would visit he'd speedily withdraw however. Jim looked very much like his late brother George - Gerties husband - and she would weep uncontrollably every time she saw him !  Mind you, as I recall Aunt Gert used to weep uncontrollably at everything, all the time. "A good job people can't cry themselves to death" my mom would say !

My earliest Christmas memory, and the reason for this piece,  involves Uncle Jim.  In our Great Arthur Street house in the late sixties, uncle Jim would sit me on his knee in front of the fire and would help me wrote a letter to Santa.  He would spend hours patiently documenting my message to Santa with my wants and desires, ALWAYS in blue ink.

Then when it was ready he would steady my hand and help me feed the letter safely into the fire's flames.

"Watch for the blue flames", he'd tell me "..thats the words going to Santa !". Every time I saw them and was thrilled !

Jim was a fierce critic of mine as a teenager.  I was everything he felt uncomfortable with I think: leather jacketed noisy, long haired gobshite.  Any HINT of disrespect towards my Mom or Dad and Jim would tear a strip off me.  I never hated him for it though. He was usally right.

When my planned apprenticeship at Chance Bros came to nothing (the year I left school was the year manufacturing started to die in the UK) I went to sixth form college.  I HATED it, and quit six months early meaning I got worse A level grades than I should have. There was no work or opportunities around in 1981. Nothing.

Then one day Jim had found an advert in the evening paper "Aptitude tests for an elite computer course, Dudley college".  He said " Yow'm supposed to be clever, why don't you try for this ? ".
 I'd never heard of computers but went anyway. I passed with flying colours and was on an interesting course while being paid £23.50 a week. Thanks Jim !

I met Kayla on that course. For some reason Jim was absolutely delightful with her, making her laugh and doing daft stuff.  After a couple of years of dating , Jim had make Kayla cry with laughter as he made our dog Pete pull a cap off his head, Jim said to her " I'm only being nice to you so you'll marry him".
We were gobsmacked !

He really loved our dog Pete.  Jim dozed off once afternoon, and when he awoke, Pete had nipped through his socks so he could bite Jims toenails!  This was the funniest thing Jim had ever seen, and had laughing cramps for hours off that !

My course led to a great job as a computer operator at GKN. This heralded a new relationship for Uncle Jim and I. I'd finish shift at midnight, and by a miracle there was always a fresh pot of tea made when I arrived home, and some biscuits.

  He was always interested to hear about my day and my job.  One weekend when I was on overtime I took him into work to show him around. He was enraptured, and particularly loved the printroom with its mass laser printer. He loved that I paid fair housekeeping to my Mom despite my meagre wage without being asked ( it was my privilege). He would open up and tell me about his work life. He redesigned an assembly line to be faster, more frugal and have 50% less breakage than before. He did not have the confidence to accept the award Chances wanted to give him so he credited a work colleague instead.

  Out of the blue Jim said he would lend me the money to buy a car on the huge condition that I would always drive mom anywhere she wanted to go at any time.  Would I ! THANKS JIM ! It was my pleasure to drive my folsk around, and indeed my Uncle Jim to his caravan in Bridgnorth that he loved so very much.

Jim was diagnosed with cancer soon after I asked Kayla to marry me. He was pleased, but never made it to the wedding. I still remember the last time I drove him home from his caravan, knowing he was dying. He looked around and said " Its bloody lovely here though ay it?".

 Jim died soon after never having married, and unmourned by many who found him grumpy or strange. I still miss him to this day.

After his funeral I found that Jim had taken all my car loan repayments and saved them for Kayla and I to use as a deposit on our first house. He never spent a penny of it and left Mom with strict instructions. We bought a lovely house with the help of that deposit.

I write this looking at Jim's Chance Brothers' fishing Championship trophy from 1974 which is on my work desk, with tears dripping off my chin and a smile on my face.  I really miss the grumpy old bugger. Happy Christmas Uncle Jim. And thanks.

People who tattooed my life #9: Pat MacLennan

 I was never a fan of children as a child.  Or as a young man in fact. As seedling ambitions for my life emerged in my mind, kids didn't play a part.  I wanted my own place to live. Near a Banks's pub naturally, and, I hoped, somebody to love. A “Good job”.   A “nice” car. Nothing beyond that.

When we were horribly young Kayla and I met and fell in love and decided to share our dreams and lives together.  Wonderful times as our simple dreams came true: we got “good jobs” that allowed us to save, and made our folks proud.   In turn we were able to buy a house together, and we fixed it up in the year before we got married in 1986, but it never occurred to either of us to start a family.

By the age of 27,  things were going pretty well for us. Kayla had travelled a bit, myself not at all, so we bit the bullet and went on an overseas holiday. It was like Mars to me…but I loved it.  Our house was modernised and decorated within a inch of its life. A new job bought me nice company cars. We had a few once-in-a-lifetime holidays : Florida, Egypt, Rural Greece ... we were and remain staggeringly grateful.

By 1991 there was an imperceptible “air” in our life. Neither of us knew what it was but we knew there was "something". We were very much in love, but there was “something”.

As some know, Kayla’s Mom chose to not be a part of her life from when she was a young child. That perhaps is for another story another day, but Kayla told me then that she was tired of carrying hurt about  it.  She found out where he Mom lived and contacted her, planning to visit and restore some semblance of a relationship between them. I was more than happy to support Kayla in this, and so I planned us a long weekend in Easter 1992 to visit my mother-in-law and her family in Nairn, Scotland. I’d not visited Scotland in my life, and I thought it might help de-stress the mother and child reunion.

We duly packed my sporty little Clio with shellsuits and shoulder pads ( this was 1992!) and set off for Nairn.  It’s a long old drive, but even after seven hours, we were so gobsmacked by the scenery around Loch Ness we stopped in a layby just to watch with our mouths open.  Incredible. I’m sure Nessie wouldn’t have minded that I weed in a corner of her Loch either… it was a very long drive !

Just before dusk we arrived outside the modest but pleasant looking house where Mrs MacLennan lived.  A very fat man in a dirty white vest greeted us effusively. This was Sandy, Kayla’s mom’s husband of ten years. He had obviously been drinking, but his personality shone through. A lovely man whose genuine bonhomie compensated for Kayla’s mom not being at home when we arrived.

Sandy showed us to the spare room where we would spend our time at the Maclennan’s house.  Sandy and Pat had great jobs attending Nairn Golf Course, keeping it at championship quality.

We enjoyed about an hour of Sandy’s embarrassed apologies for his wife’s absence and well intentioned golfing anecdotes when Pat Maclennan arrived.  I never knowingly met a witch, but I suspect that would be a warmer engagement than we received from Pat. No eye contact, no offered hand to shake. “Hello, you made it then?”.

“I’ll go and put the dinner on” she said and wandered into the kitchen. It was now 9 PM and we were starved.  I said “ Please don’t worry on our part Mrs Maclennan , why don’t I go and fetch a Chinese takeaway or something to save you the trouble ?”

A menu was duly bought and handed to me. I gathered everyone’s orders  and I set off to the restaurant. When I returned with food an hour later there were still no great conversations going on, but Kayla was looking at what appeared to be a needlework project that her Mom was showing her.  Everybody ate, in near silence with the TV blaring away. Sandy was hitting cheap scotch hard by now and was slurring. Once we ate Kayla and I cleared away the cartons and washed up plates.  “We’re really tired, so if you don’t mind we’ll get to bed – Night”.

“Night”. Nothing;

When we got to bed Kayla was very upset. Seems Mrs Maclennan had been showing Kayla the wedding dress she was hand making for Kayla’s half sister Jane that she’d had with another man after abandoning Kayla and her sisters as a babies.  She was so effusive about the wedding, and all of her second family, and this really hurt Kayla. She’d wanted to ask her “why did you abandon us?” but  she couldn’t bring herself to.  Kayla told me that while I was collecting dinner, Mrs Maclennan had said to her “ You may see Jane’s family tomorrow, if so please don’t call me “Mom” in front of them. “Pat” is far less confusing.”

I held Kayla.  “Do you want to get the f*** out of here as soon as possible baby ?”

“Yes”

I woke at dawn, and roused Kayla.  We packed silently and left before Sandy or Pat were awake. We had no idea where we were going so I pointed my car “north”.  The road up Scotland’s east coast cannot easily be described. “beautiful” just fails miserably to convey the profoundly affecting vibrancy of the hugely varied scenery.  The sun rose above rain clouds as we passed Dornoch and we had a cadence of rainbows all the way down a mountain pass. Stunning. We had lunch at John O’Groats ( well you have to ! – Oh BTW its a fly blown crap hole!) and pointed south to drive….nowhere in particular.

By evening we had reached Loch ness again and we drove gratuitously along her beautiful  shores , then on to Loch Lochy and finally Loch Linnhe.  It was getting dark and I’d had enough of driving so really didn’t want to press on to Fort William. Kayla spotted a sign in front of a grand Georgian manor house “ Cuilcheanna House – accommodation”.   I pulled onto the drive, we got out and knocked.

A small Scottish lady opened the huge creaky door and smiled widely  – Yes they DID have a room, would we like dinner as the chef hasn’t gone home yet ?  What a famous welcome, wholly unlike the one we had received yesterday !

Dinner was gorgeous – we sat alone at a huge oak dining table before a log fireplace. We ate local wild mushrooms stuffed with crab to start, followed by chicken and bell peppers in whiskey cream sauce…. Washed down with a bottle of Entre Deux Mers .  Any malaise we had felt had gone, Kayla was on good funny form once more and we laughed and loved as we warmed ourselves striped by dancing flames glow. We were liking Scotland very much !

Full and happy we retreated to the bar: a large and friendly room with gamekeepers and colourful locals telling tall tales in the warmth of an inglenook fireplace that occupied an entire end wall.  We nursed large , lovely previously-unknown whiskies and listened.

I had to speak and said “ Baby, you know we’ve had so many adventures but I can’t help feeling we have a big one left to do.  NO pressure but what do you feel about starting a family? After all I couldn’t do a worse job of it than that witch !”.  I said this very clumsily.  Kayla grinned and wept and hugged me. “I have been feeling exactly that way for a while , but I didn’t want to say anything that might upset our life”.

It was scary but liberating for this boy who never knew how to treat kids to articulate this primeval instinct I had felt to start a family. Somehow the dreadful example of Pat Maclennan had inspired to me to make a better fist of parenting than she did. Our excited banter continued late into the night, with more whisky sipped.

We slipped to our lovely room in the wee small hours and fell warmly into each others arms.

 Something woke me just as dawn broke.  I got out of bed to get some water and pulled one of the huge drapes back. The lawn between our hotel and Loche Linnhe was dotted with deer feeding on the fresh morning grass: does and kids. Yes, I think we made the right choice.

Katie was born the following year J

Mrs Maclennan never saw or heard from Kayla again. She eventually abandoned even her second family to drink and live unencumbered by responsibilities. She died alone, having lost limbs through helpless alcoholism in 2007.   Her choices caught up with her eventually.

People who tattooed my life #8: Tony Williams

In 1982 I was coming to the end of a “YOP” (Youth Opportunities Placement) as a trainee computer operator at Dudley Council, and I was wondering what to do next. I much preferred working in ops than programming but times were hard for school and college leavers finding employment back then. I’d done okay on my IT diploma course, but hardly excelled.

By serendipitous chance a mutual friend of a friend, Blott, told me that his employer, GKN, were looking for a trainee operator and that I should apply. It was a whole new system environment to the ICL gear I was used to but I was desperate enough to give it a shot.   My interview went well, partly because I was such a great candidate , of course but mostly I suspect because the Ops manager, Brian Wilson loved Rugby and knew my club’s coach well J

In the week before I was due to start on shift at GKN I crammed as much as I could in preparation. There was no internet then ( see that kids?) so I visited Dudley College’s technical library and read dozens of Computer Weeklies and Computing Magazines..

I duly showed up the following Monday, and was introduced to my new Shift Controller: Tony Williams.  He was about six-five and reed slim. A chain smoker with a dirty laugh and a slightly hippie mein about him. He was also an Olympic standard swearer.

Tone is his natural, smoke-wreathed habitat !

“So, young Ormston....” he began with an actor’s intonation; “ Why do you think we’re here?”.

“erm…high quality…value add…availability…erm…”  I dribbled some soapy regurgitation of whatever toss I’d read in Computer Weekly about Facilities Management.   Tony replied:

“Get your coat on Shitstick, and follow me”.  “Shitstick” was Tony’s name for newbies who were as yet unproven.  I coated up and followed Tony out into the cold morning air. We walked together, Tony smoker’s-coughing every step of the was as he pulled on his Marlboros.  We walked to the gate, and left up Cranford street. There was a queue of maybe twelve articulated lorries waiting at the loading bay entrance for screws and fasteners. Back then there was not a high quality fixing used anywhere in the automotive world that was not made in Cranford street.  Doors were open, drivers were pacing up and down, smoking; cussing. 

We walked along the angry line to the loading bay gate. Ten or fifteen drivers were pushing to show their pieces of paper to the harassed warehousemen who were rifling though large computer printouts and cross checking with  a microfiche.

Tony Williams smoked and bid us observe for a few moments before speaking.

“The batch jobs for the warehouse deliveries failed overnight” he told me ;“ ..and they won’t have the accurate output for another hour.  They’ll be about thirty lorries delayed by then. Until then them poor bastards have to check last week’s fiches against this weeks changes by hand.  If they don’t nobody will get what they’ve ordered and no Rovers, Peugeots , Jaguars, Fords, Vauxhalls or F*ck-all’s will be made today”.

“Whatever anybody might tell you about IT and computing or whatever is all bollocks. Computing is about making sure people things get the things they need to do their job. The better we are at doing it the better they do their jobs.  Got it ?”.

And I did get it.  That stuck with me for thirty years, and informed every project I ever worked on in IT. And perhaps why I’ve done okay in this IT stuff.

I loved working for Tony. He also introduced me to some very filthy 8mm porn movies on nightshift ( no internet kids, remember ! ) and regaled us all with stories of what he and his then German girlfriend got up to… a quite amazing storyteller.  Our shift worked well for Tony. That first Christmas when I’d worked for him just under a year he took out the whole shift for a meal. Out of his own pocket.  Took us to the Garden House for food and wine, then on to Liberty’s nightclub. It was the very essence of sophistication to me !

Tony met a girl in England  a couple of years later and softened tangibly. It was love !  They arranged their wedding, and when she fell pregnant during the runup time they were both very happy about it !

By now I had moved on to become a trainee systems programmer but was still friends with Tony.  There was a new “Shitstick”  on his shift – Jon Davis -  for Tony to rib mercilessly !  Tony’s bachelor party was a very civilised few beers with his GKN friends, then a week skiing with a couple of close friends including Jon Davis the noob: an advanced ski-er like Tony.   They had an amazing time !  Upon returning from this “Stag” vacation Tony was driving Jon home from the airport when he felt unwell.  He dropped Jon at home then drove on, just about making it to his Mom and Dad’s house three streets away before collapsing and dying on their drive at the wheel. He was 33.

Tony’s funeral was held a week later at the same church he was due to be married in, on the same day.  Some folks had not heard in time and wedding flowers arrived. That wasn’t a great day….

Tony’s daughter will be 24 now. I wonder how she’s doing and if she knows how great her dad was ?

In a bit Tone.  Love, ShitStick.

People who tattooed my life #7: Julia Montgomery

Looking back at my list of people I have kept as part of me, it seems that folks who made me change my attitude for the better crop up at the top of the list.  Julia was definitely one of them.

Many of you may know that I don't do winter very well.  The cold doesn't bother me at all, but the short grey days we usually get from November to March really affect my mood and concentration. This was one of the reasons why Kayla, the kids and I spent 7 Christmases in the sun between 2000 and 2008. Mostly we visited our beloved Florida, but in 2006 we visited Grenada.

Kayla had always wanted to visit the Caribbean, and I have a place recommended to me by a friend that was unlike any "hotel" on the island.

Petit Bacaye is a collection of a half dozen clapboard and palm huts nestled on their own bay in the Caribbean sea. No aircon, no TV,no pool. "Hmm" I thought as I arrived at reception after a LOOONG flight...

Julia Montgomery had waited up for us (it was 2:30 am) with some sandwiches, homemade lemongrass lemonade ( horrible!) and a lovely smile.  Julia was obviously very very posh and very very English. Her beautiful cut-glass accent immediately made me feel like a Lenny Henry character and even as a well travelled man I was a bit intimidated. See we working class Midlanders know our place, and it ain't with posh sorts !

I got my first clue that Julia was not as my stereotype might paint when two of the camp dogs decided to have a fight in our path to our hut. Julia promptly grabbed a bowl of water from the garden deck and hurled it on the dogs with laser-guided accuracy !

"Oh they don't mean anything by it" she smiled with an accent the Queen would approve of; "they're just excited you're here!".

We unpacked just what we needed and went to bed soothed by the lullaby of tree frogs,  jungle crickets and the rolling waves.

Julia was in her early sixties; zero make up but clearly was a beautiful woman. She dropped by next morning to invite us to a coffee and breakfast at their dining room where we met her partner Peter. In IMPECCABLY accented English they showed huge interest in our plans and showed us the ropes of this usually but incredibly charming resort. To say that my family was enchanted by Petit Bacaye is a massive understatement; the place is as close to my dreams of paradise as makes no odds.  The showers in the huts were actually OUTSIDE ( but cleverly private) so you actually shower with a warm breeze upon you and the stars above.  Unforgettable.

When we ( and our kids particularly) showed enormous interest in our surroundings, Julia and Peter delighted in teaching about Grenada's wildlife, and Julia loved telling us their history !  The scars of a terrible hurricane the previous year were still visible in the trees nearby, and Julia showed us her private collection of photos and clippings of that sad and dangerous time for them.  By now, a week into the holiday I had lost all intimidation of Julia and Peter's poshness, and I took to them just as much as they took to our kids.  Peter told me "Your children are the very nicest we ever hosted here, congratulations".  Proud doesn't cover it :)

On Christmas eve, Julia arranged for the local church to send a Choir to Petit Bacaye as they did their rounds to sing carols by firelight as the sea rolled up the beach. We were all weeping with joy. None of us will ever forget that night....

For Christmas Day, Julia and Peter went to a posh restaurant for their Christmas dinner leaving we guests the full run of the place including their amazing home. Christmas breakfast in a treehouse....Christmas dinner during a tropical storm...wonderful life experiences.

After Christmas we spent more time with Julia and Peter and they offered stories about themselves... Peter had been a Pig farmer..on a huge scale .. which made us laugh.  Then Julia told us that we might have heard of her previous working name - Fiona Richmond, Britain's most famous porn actress during the 1970's....

She told us this story without a flinch, and amazingly we were so disarmed by this lovely woman that we accepted it in just the same way.

A fantastically memorable Christmas made all the better by this wonderful, kind lady.  Not only did she remove my stereotypes about "posh" folks, but TORPEDOED my views of folks with unsavoury pasts. Kindness and love really are all that matter.

I truly hope to go back one day.

People who tattooed my life #6: Dwight

1999 was a bittersweet year for me (aren't they all ?): I had been headhunted by IBM, and an exciting new career beckoned, but my beloved mom was very ill. The first day I showed up at Edinburgh house in Staines and met my new boss, Dwight, exemplified this bittersweet-ness.

It was a strange meeting: he told me since that I intimidated him a  bit 'cos I had a reputation for being smart, but HE intimidated ME by being so damn cool and relaxed about everything. Then as now Dwight wore his skin more comfortably than anybody I ever met.

Within an hour of chatting I explained about my Mom.  Without catching breath Dwight binned his schedule for my induction education etc. and said that I should "so what I can" for IBM until my family situation improved. And I knew that it was utterly genuine.

I was able to spend all the time needed with Mom. It was an amazing blessing. Soon enough I was able to focus on my new job with a clear conscience.

"When the only tool you have is a hammer, you treat everything as if it were a nail" goes the wise saying, and the only tool that had served me well in my career thus far had been technical nous. Dwight had absolutely zero IT technical skills yet I learned as much from him in two years as I have from ANYONE in my life.

Dwight was MORE a natural diplomat: he was a STUDIED diplomat. He defused relationship bombs, enthused slacking business partners and generally supported revenue in ways that left me amazed.  I learned that you could have the best product in the world but if people didn't view it or you that way, you would starve.

The best part was that I got to learn all this cool stuff from Dwight as we travelled the world together as best mates. Dwight viewed the world with an attitude that was a combination of a child in a sweet shop and a Spy. He was enthused with childlike wonder at cool stuff, but ALWAYS knew how to get around and get stuff done in every city on earth.  He dragged me around on his travels like his country bumpkin cousin, which I guess I was !

I danced in gay clubs, ate the devils toenails in Lisbon, learned to love country music in Printer's alley in Nashville, ate breakfast tacos with senators and illegals in Austin...  Dwight was the best adopted big brother on earth. Soon Dwight moved back to the States, but he used to come and stay with my family at Christmas during our holidays in Florida. One year he drove 48 hours to be with us in Forth Worth then the SECOND he got out of the car he hugged my kids and took them indoors to make Christmas stockings and cards using the materials he bought with him...

I can't begin to list the adventures, nor intimate discussions we had, and every single one grew me as a person...especially "porchworld"...

Our paths have grown apart somewhat of late but as soon as I get a dollar again I can't wait to hook up with Dwight again.

Bro' you changed me into a far more tolerant, confident and  appreciative person and I love you. Hope to see you soon:)

People who tattooed my life #5: Chris Bodley

I already explained what a weird bookish kid I was, but I did have a few outlets for fun with folks growing up!  My main one up to the age of fifteen or so was my Cuz Chris Bodley.  He lived only a mile away off St Paul's road at me Uncle Fred's house.

He was five or six years older than me but had endless patience with me , not just cos he was told to "Entertain your little cousin! " :) !  Chris and his sis Linda were music nutters and I just DRANK IN all their wonderful albums.

We used to clear out Uncle Fred's coalshed and set up a den in there. Music while eating Rhubarb and blackberries we'd nicked from Mr Barrell's garden next door until we had stomach ache !  For some bizarre reason Chris nicknamed Mr Barrell "old Shockamoler", because it fitted into an advert jingle from the time...

Chris had an old guitar and we'd record songs on it. "The Wikky Wak Walk" I recall ! Also "White cloak". Man that was fun !

Chris' life seemed amazing glamorous to me then: he'd go to gigs every weekend with Carney and Bill Plester and regale me with tales of drink and rock ! Set a bar for my own life I guess.

I'd go stay with Uncle Fred's family (including Chris) at their HUGE caravan in the country during the summer school holidays. We'd play cassettes all day on the "pimple" hill til the batteries ran out.

Chris used to really INVEST in me, despite the age gap ( which seems HUGE when you're ten !). He did a huge amount for my confidence and love of  life.

Clearly as Chris left school long before me and started work, while I was still at school we grew apart then eventually fell out for a while over a stupid misunderstanding about a borrowed record. Mind you we fixed that a few years later, but by then I was married and Chris had moved on with his life too.

Clearly nostalgia sees only sunshine, but I spent some great times with Chris growing up.

Chris died this morning barely in his fifties.  Later couz...

People who tattooed my life #4: Anne Plant

I was basically my Mom's menopause :)  I was a "happy accident" when Mom was 42, and she , erm DID before I was born and she , erm, didn't afterwards.

That explains a lot , those who know me might say !

In truth what it DID mean is that I missed out a couple of generations of parents. My folks were as old as the grandparents of the kids I went to school with. My brother and sister were decades older than me. I was effectively an only child of older parents.

Now there were some huge compensations in that and I am not complaining, just stating.  I lived in books and music, face turned down to read and listen, not up to see faces and talk. I was introverted and very home focused.

At Nine Leasowes Primary School I was happiest left alone. I did all my work okay but hated class interaction.

Anne is 2nd from right 2nd row from bottom

Then I had a teacher: Anne Plant. Anne was a BIG woman in every way: loud, confident, verbal and she dressed out at around sixteen stones.  A very Sixties / early seventies woman too.

She took a shine to me, despite me being a little whelk curled in my shell at the back of the class. Almost imperceptibly she began to find out what ignited my interest: History, music, English, animals...and she would come to class most days armed with a new thing for me to devour. A photo, a record, a book, a picture she drew, a poem she wrote. She would then refer to this item in class with a question "Who knows...?". Of course only I would know and eventually I just HAD to answer out loud despite my shyness !

Over the two years she was my teacher she teased me out of my shell like you might tease a kitten from under the floorboards with titbits of food. Her husband Austin (yes his name was Austin Plant!) worked in education too and together they ran camps at their house in their massive garden. (Can you IMAGINE that happening today ?). They invited me to many but I always refused until one day I went. My first time under another roof without family there. A small step for a kid but a giant leap for me !

Eventually I had another teacher, and then I moved to High school and Mrs Plant was forgotten.

Many years later I was called upon to run a technical presentation for a roomful of senior people for the first time.  I was pretty crap and nervous but I managed. I found myself using that technique Anne Plant used to keep the kids engaged: asked a question that only a very few "initiates" knew the answer to.  I was immediately filled with gratitude for Anne's love and care, and the full effect of her brilliance and investment hit home to me.

I wish I could find out if she's still around, I'd love to say thanks in person and share with her the adventures I have had in my life that she sowed the seeds for. A great teacher, and a great human.

People who tattooed my life #3: Pat Tinworth

Upon arriving back to base after a contract in Gloucester ended I was almost made redundant.  I was only saved 'cos I hit it off with a portly bearded chap named Pat Tinworth.  He "bumped " into me in the wine bar over the road from work and I never knew it was an interview but it was. An assessment of my suitability over a pint.

He took me on and set me to work researching something very alien to a systems programmer.

Let me try to explain how Pat worked: If there was a hangar full of panicking people and a stack of mechanical aeroplane parts, Pat is the kind of person who would go inside and close the door behind him, then when you opened the doors again an hour later there would be a fully assembled  plane, happy people and only Pat with clean hands.

Wonderful motivator, director and facilitator.

Single handedly Pat took a feisty overconfident mainframe sysprog and transformed me into an effective business troubleshooter. That would give me a well paid and satisfying career for at least the next 20 years.

You know how some great people are so great that they make normal people feel inadequate ? Pat is a great man who makes people feel GREAT.

Pat lost his daughter to a car accident on her 18th birthday that left a melancholy air upon him always. His Christian faith was sometimes his only life-raft, but he always conveyed a sense of correct priorities. Nothing at work ever phased him again.

Even after Pat retired and I left for another company Pat continued to mentor me and be my good friend. I found by accident that Pat had prepared me in turn to be a decent mentor myself, always caring profoundly about the staff who work for me, and those others I can help along the way. "Its the best way. It just IS", as Pat answered when I asked him why he invested so much in sometimes unpromising folks and team members.

I am still in touch with Pat from time to time: he's hard to track down as he and Carol, his wife, pretty much cruise the world most of the year these days.( He got married on the day of the world cup final in 1966 !  He had tickets too !)

My mentor, my boss, my good friend;  Pat has been a blessing in my life for 20 years and I thank God for him often. Be blessed Pat, lad. Hope to see you soon.

People who tattooed my life #2: Bob Mansell

As a pimply, chubby eleven year old, I was not very sports minded. I had no confidence and was bookish. Then I had a bike with big wheels for Christmas ( a metallic green and gold Raleigh with Sturmey Archer gears !) and my life changed. I rode everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

At that time at school we had a man present at assembly wearing lycra and odd clothes, and accompanied by all kinds of exotic bicycles. His name was Bob Mansell, and he ran a mega-exciting bike shop in Smethwick. He was offering for kids to join his cycling club. I summoned up the courage to ask him what I would need to do to join. he asked " Do you have a bike, son?"

"Yes sir, but I don't think its a racer like these".

"That doesn't matter - its the racer ON the bike that's most important".

And I joined. Everybody was quicker than me to begin with and few kids laughed at my town-bike, but Bob was kind without being patronising, and correcting without criticizing. I got to be able to keep up. Lost some lard too !

Then my bike was stolen from outside my Cousin Chris and Linda's house. I was heartbroken. It was found three days later bent and thrown down a railway embankment. I was devastated.

My Dad and my Brother Ray worked on it; straightened everything up, touched up the paint and put on a new saddle and grips. But it was never the same.

Bob Mansell asked why I hadn't been coming to his cycling club and I explained about the theft and damage, and repair.  Bob thought about it for a moment then said my bike was BETTER for all the love put into it by Dad and Ray not worse for being nicked. It made me feel better and I rejoined his riding club.

I did so well that the following Christmas, after two years cycling Mom and Dad bought me a custom made racing cycle, made by my Brother's uncle-by-marriage Jack Hateley. I drifted away from Bob Mansell's cycling club then, and started riding around with mates far more, but I never forgot his kindness and encouragement.  Love can be a better ingredient than anything you can bolt on.

Bob passed away at a ripe old age in 2006.RIP Mr Mansell.

People who tattooed my life #1: Elisa

On a rare sunny evening last summer I was sat watching the sun go down in my garden having finished a family BBQ. I was sipping cold retsina and that always makes me ACHE for Greece. It made me think of people who left a beautiful, indelible mark on my life: people who "tattooed" me.  I thought I'd write about some occasionally.

#1: Elisa

We were staying in rural Greece; in Evia, in a tiny orthodox pilgrimage town called Prokopi. It was July and warm and wet as brandy because of an earlier thunderstorm.

My family and were meandering around this quaint place in early evening and our hunger was provoked by   amazing scents of lemon oil and oregano on lamb coming from a tiny but popular souvlaki place. Through a beaming smile behind the counter,  a waitress asked us what we would like.  I tried to reply in my best Greek; she laughed 'til tears ran down her face then spoke in near perfect English: " Thank you for trying,  Xenos !".

Her name was Elisa. She was grateful to have English tourists to use her language skills on; few non-Greek tourists make it to Prokopi, As is the way with Greeks she inquired nosily about our lives.  In return for our candour she regaled us with some of her vital history.  She had run away from home as a teenager to become a chorus line dancer for concerts entertaining troops who were securing the middle east as it was rebuilt after WW2. She was beautiful at seventy; I can only imagine what she looked like back then.

She exhorted her husband to bring out plates of home-made souvlakia and tiropitas for us as we chatted.

Beach sign Nr Prokopi !

She had lived as a princess: finest hotels and restaurants.  A high-ranking American officer had fallen in love with her, and he promised to take her to America, but she never dared to follow him and she broke his heart.

Her stories were so vivid; so enticing. I asked her " Elisa, are you really happy here after you experienced all the opulence and excitement of your life ?".  She said "I am content here. Contentment is worth a lot more and lasts a long time. My memories are with me whenever I want to pull them out !  I am content and happy".

After much wonderful food and drink for the pittance she charged us she blessed me and my family and I blessed Elisa and her husband.

That was 2002. I will never forget her.